Fridge Warriors (Introduction)
Fridge Warriors is a collective name for the thousands of little Viking Clans living between 10 - 20 meters underground. They have been using secret doors underneath our fridges to access our world at night.
Some time ago I realized that after 11 PM there was a strange dim light coming from underneath our fridge. While lying on my stomach to investigate, I was shocked and amazed to find about a hundred little Vikings busy with a mini-war. Thumbnail-sized little warriors screaming obscenities to each other while chopping off heads and drilling tiny little swords into tiny little hearts. Later I would learn that each night in many households, underneath many fridges, there are similar battles taking place.
Why? They fight for dominance and the right to raid your food cupboards, hypnotize your pets, and nibble on your toenails.
It was only once the battle was over and they started to treat their wounded and carry away the dead that they noticed me. Turns out that I am one of a select few that can actually see them. The leader of the winning clan approached me, wiped the blood from his cheek, shoved a tiny little sword in my nose, and demanded to know my name.
Well, that was the first day of the rest of my life. Once you have been threatened by a Viking Warrior the size of your Thumbnail, nothing will ever be the same.
Fridge Warriors is a collective name for the thousands of little Viking Clans living between 10 - 20 meters underground. They have been using secret doors underneath our fridges to access our world at night.
There is no record of their exact origin, but there are over a thousand years' worth of history (circulated between the Clans) about these brave little fighters living in a maze of tunnels and caves under our feet. Every other night the different clans meet under various fridges in private homes for battle. The winning clan wins the right to raid that home for the night. Losers have to return empty-handed to their underground lair.
The Prize: The victorious clan is able to enter the home of the 'humans' and raid the food cupboards. Bread crumbs, rice grains, leftovers on a plate, beans, sugar, and fruit are some of the most popular items to plunder. Ever noticed a small square apparently 'cut' out of an apple? Yes, that was a Fridge Warrior that used a tiny little sword to perform surgery on your Granny Smith apple. Ever noticed a small hole at the base of a packet of rice? Yes, you guessed it, a small little warrior with a cute little mustache attacked the rice!
The ULTIMATE PRIZE: Once the warriors have entered a home, one of the little guys will break away from the main group to establish what kind of humans are living in that specific house. (old or young) While the main group is filling their little backpacks with loot, the scout will tip-toe to the bedroom to gather intel.
You see, part of the warrior's amazing survival skills is the fact that they have a secret weapon against pets. Dogs and cats in particular, as they are their biggest threat when entering a home. There are a few hundred conspiracy theories about the origin of their secret weapon, so, nobody really knows how our sword-yielding friends started using it. They all carry small blowpipes. The ammo they use is small balls filled with magical dust that not only makes their enemy completely docile but in some cases completely submissive and willing to do whatever the warriors tell them to do.
Once they enter a home and crawl out from underneath the fridge they know that there could be a dog or cat in the house. When the pet approaches them they get smacked with four or five magical dust balls and immediately become super calm and submissive. Kind of cool hey?
So what kind of dust is this? Well, you see, there is a certain type of fungus that grow under the toenails of old 'humans' because of debris build-up. The Fridge Warriors go out at night and 'harvest' this debris/fungus to take home to their underground laboratories. There it is mixed with some peanut butter, Earl Grey tea, and shiitake mushrooms before being left to dry under heated lamps. The final product is ground to a super fine powder before being inserted into little blowpipe balls that will explode on impact.
Life underground: Their lives revolve around a relentless and never-ending search for food scraps and toe debris while continuously waging war underneath our fridges.
After every successful nightly raid, the plunder gets sold to fellow little Vikings living in the maze of tunnels and caves underneath our cities. Single rice grains, apple pieces, and small batches of oats are sold next to tiny battle axes, swords, and blowpipes.
This is the adventurous world of The Fridge Warriors!
Now let's meet some of the main clans that are forever fighting for dominance underneath the city of Cape Town.
The McSword Clan.
Leaders: Kabbak & Ella. Barbaric Level 4
Name: Ella
Age: 30
Birthplace: Nairobi
Barbaric Level: 4
Battles Won: 25
Battles Lost: 1 (a fight with hubby, Kabbak)
Ella. A 30-year-old, barbaric redhead that could be your best friend or be willing to rip your head off if you try to invade her family's territory. She is sexy and tough, she is sensual and rough at the same time. Her beautifully formed breasts hide behind a steel breastplate which in return is protected by a tiny (but deadly) sword held in not so manicured hands.
Her striking hairdo is the first thing you notice about her when you meet her for the first time. (smiling and wanting to hug you or with a barbaric look in her eyes about to rip out your heart.)
She is only 2cm tall, but packs a punch and is definitely a Viking Lady to handle with respect.
She grew up in Sector 89 underneath the city of Nairobi, and this is also where she met, her now husband, Kabbak. Together the two of them traveled through a maze of underground tunnels and water streams to reach Cape Town. A journey that took them a few years to complete.
Name: Kabbak
Age: 38
Birthplace: Johannesburg
Barbaric Level: 5
Fridge Battles Won: 25
Battles Lost: 101 (fights with wife, Ella)
Kabbak. A 38-year-old diamond in the rough. He is the best example of Viking strength and barbarism. He has a soft heart but will not think twice to rip out yours and show it to you. This will happen quickly if you threaten him, stand in between him and his goals or dare to touch Ella.
He grew a blond mustache, and a crazy beard and if you get too close to him you will see the fire in his eyes. Growing up under a fridge in Sector 67, Johannesburg, and left for Nairobi shortly after his 19th Birthday. This is where he met Ella, fell in love, and shared blood together, they decided to start a new life in Cape Town.
Kabbak is very health conscious but tends to drink too much alcohol from time to time. This of course leads to arguments with Ella which in return would kick him out of the house for up to a week at a time.
Although Kabbak is a substance abuser, he knows when to focus and will never drink a day before a battle. He will only drink for two days after the battle and then the cycle will start again.
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The McFear Clan.
Leaders: Nobbok & Bazarly. Barbaric Level 5
Name: Nobbok
Age: 48
Birthplace: Maputo
Barbaric Level: 5
Battles Won: 107
Battles Lost: 10
A handsome little guy. Loves baking, picnicking with his family, and chopping heads off.. As a young boy, he was confused about his sexuality but thankfully outgrown it by the age of 18 when he fell in love with a lady of the night. His father caught them together and proceeded to chop off two of Nobbok's fingers in anger. Until today some of the other Vikings refer to him as the 8-finger lover, but they would never say that in front of him out of fear of his bloodthirsty aggression.
Born and raised underneath the city of Maputo (Sector 25), Nobbok always had a 'thing' for traveling. So, once he met Bazarly, the two of them decided to go traveling. Over a few years, they hopped from town to town, city to city, and fridge to fridge. Teaming up with various other clans to fight underneath the human fridges to win the right to plunder. Once they have reached the tunnels of Cape Town they decided to stay and make this iconic city their home.
Name: Bazarly
Age: 45
Birthplace: Maputo
Barbaric Level: 5
Battles Won: 103
Battles Lost: 10
Beautiful little Bazarly grew up in Sector 72 underneath Maputo with her seven brothers. By age seven she was able to win sword fights with her siblings and at age 17 she broke another guy's nose because he tried to kiss her. She is sexy and tough, she is sensual and fearless, and is the poster child of female Viking strength.
She met Nobbok at a nightclub underneath a grocery store fridge. It was love at first sight. She wrapped her long blond curls around his neck and kissed him right there on the dance floor.
The next night they went on a raid together in Sector 25, killed two little Vikings from another clan, and returned with two bags full of loot. The start of a great relationship.
Eventually, they too decided to travel to Cape Town and seek their fortunes.
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The McBruntel Clan.
Leaders: Samson & Sharon. Barbaric Level 7
Name: Samson
Age: 38
Birthplace: Cape Town
Barbaric Level: 7
Battles Won: 95
Battles Lost: 1
A strong little guy with a heart of charcoal. Born into one of the most feared 'Fridge Warriors Clans' known in the underworld. The Mcbruntel Clan has ruled the tunnels of Cape Town since the late 80s.
Samson's childhood was spent in Sector 99 underneath the suburb of Vredehoek in the city center of Cape Town. Ironically the name 'Vredehoek' means 'peace corner', although there was no peace while Samson and his bloodthirsty friends were waging war underneath fridges and plundering kitchens. They are known for harvesting the best toenail fungus/debris and therefore creating the best 'magic dust' that can even knock out a Great Dane. Apparently, they have access to a senior citizen home where there are very old and frail humans. It is well known that the older the human, the better the 'standard' of the toenail fungus/debris is.
Samson got to know Sharon a day before their marriage. The Mcbruntel Clan practice arranged marriages and it is all about the survival of the clan and not so much love. Samson's parents identified Sharon as the best match for him and after colluding with her parents the two of them quickly got married in the office of the local court.
The very same night they fought side by side against another clan to win the right to raid a home in the neighbouring suburb of Gardens. Their honeymoon was spent on battlefields, raiding pantries and attacking dogs and cats with blowpipes filled with magic dust. Very romantic stuff.
Name: Sharon
Age: 37
Birthplace: Cape Town
Barbaric Level: 7
Battles Won: 89
Battles Lost: 1 (She was fighting 7 Fridge Warriors from another clan by herself and after two hours she had to forfeit in order to fight another day)
Sharon is not feminine
Sharon is not beautiful.
Sharon is not sexy.
Sharon is SUPER sexy and extremely beautiful. She has got wavy long black hair with big blue eyes and long lashes. She does not need lipstick as her lips are cherry red and inviting. She is slightly taller than most Viking women and is very proud of her 2.2cm length. Born and raised in Sector 99 under the suburb of Vredehoek, Cape Town, just a meter away from Samson.
A black breastplate covers her chest and she is rarely seen without tight-fitting pants and boots. Believe me, with this stylish look she is a force to be reckoned with. One would think that she would have a heart of gold, but unfortunately not. Her heart is a deeper shade of charcoal than the heart of her arranged marriage partner Samson.
She is not interested in romantic walks through dark tunnels, oh no. The only thing she is interested in is the advancement of her Clan, The Mcbruntels. Sporting a 'Barbaric Level 7' they are the most brutal and most feared Clan of all.
Her marriage to Samson has been a strategic move from both their families and she is content with that. She is feared and loved at the same time. Men from other Clans whisper about her in the darkness….. Some of them write poetry about her while others wish to meet her under a fridge on the 'battlefield' so that they can prove their worth as Fridge Warriors.
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These three clans; McSword, McFear, and McBruntel do not know each other. Although they have heard about each other through the grapevine they still need to meet on the battlefield.
These are the tales of the Fridge Warriors…
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