Get off your bum and start exercising!

Get off your bum and start exercising!
Photo by Patrick Malleret / Unsplash
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It's 5 AM on day three of your new exercise routine. The last two days you felt great while you got up early and shouted, "Carpe Diem!". You were so proud of yourself for taking the big bold decision to become fit! Your imagination showed you an Instagram reel of yourself in a bright & tight gym outfit jogging down the street like Thor, the god of thunder, that jumped out of a children's picture book about Germanic mythology.

While swinging your hairy blonde crown from side to side you noticed members from the opposite sex fainting on the sidewalks. You are on top of the world! You are the fitness warrior of the future! Books are going to be published about your strength and endurance! You are going to become the hammer-wielding, thunder-creating 'Iron Man' winner for the next five years! All because you got off the couch two days ago and started a fitness routine.

Ummmm, no.

Unfortunately, it is now the morning of day three, the temperature is challenging cold and your legs are stiff from the last two days of exercise. You pull the duvet over your head and mumble; "This fitness thing sucks". Your 'godlike' status now blowing in the wind, far away. Your self-esteem sinks to a new low while pushing the 'snooze' button for the 5th time. Vaguely you recall a self-development video in which some fitness fanatics were preaching something about discipline and structure being two building blocks in every individual's quest to better themselves.

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Later in the day, you are lying in front of the television, mindlessly flipping through the channels and trying to fight the creepy feeling of depression settling on your shoulders. "You're a BUM!", says the devil on your right shoulder. "You're pathetic! Cannot even do 3 days of exercise in a row". The deep dark hole of despair widens in front of your eyes.

On your way to the fridge, you promise yourself that you will start your exercise routine again. While you dish up the second helping of peppermint crisp tart, you promise yourself once again that tomorrow will be the start of 'The New You'. A new you that will climb out of this bottomless pit of unhealthy living. More peppermint crisp tart follows before you wash it down with a double-thick chocolate milkshake.

You become obsessed with sugar, cream, caramel, and soda-pop. With your face painted full of icing sugar and dressed only in a gown and slippers, you run into the local supermarket, straight to the candy aisle. To the bewilderment of the other shoppers, you start feasting on the display of sweetness in front of you! Chocolate, caramel, nougat bars, and some other unidentifiable things that's covered in coconut shavings, all being shoved into your mouth.

The store manager took one look at the wild animal stare in your bloodshot eyes and immediately called the authorities. And this is where the local police chief found you. Passed out in aisle 7, with a mouth full of half-eaten chocolate and a lunatic grin on your unrecognizable face. The 'New You', got arrested for theft and for being a public disturbance. A local mother opened a case against you as she claimed that her toddler was traumatized after she saw the horrific scenes of a middle-aged man stuffing his face with candy, almost like a hungry wolf attacks his prey.

Your arrest made international headlines while numerous Facebook groups mushroomed overnight in support of your situation. Many people wanted to help.

In the end, three fitness fanatics from Singapore decided to pay your bail, and the next day you are back on the couch. Overweight, semi-depressed, and clutching the remote with a chocolate-covered hand. "What have I become?" you ask yourself. "Is there life after chocolate?"

There is a knock on the door. You drag your body there, open up and almost immediately go into a state of shock. Standing in front of you is Thor, the god of thunder.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" he says in a friendly voice.

"Can I come in?" he asks while pushing himself into the lounge.

"What do you want?" you hear yourself asking while trying not to pee-pee in your pants.

"I brought you a present", says Thor, "and shoves a box in your hands.

Inside you find a brand-new pair of running shoes, you look up to Thor with a question mark on your face.

Thor says: "Tomorrow at 5 Am you and I are going running, and if you are not ready at 5 Am I will take this 50pound hammer of mine and I will hammer your right knee to a pulp, do you understand me?"

You say: "Yes Thor."

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