Peanut Butter Addictions
Fridge Warriors: Chapter 5
Nobbok is a frustrated little Viking.
Why? Because he is out of peanut butter and that puts him immediately in a bad mood. He has been walking around the house the whole morning mumbling to himself while doing little odd jobs around the yard. Not accomplishing anything.
However, there is one thing that his current situation is good for and that is his preparation for battle. All the built-up aggression inside of him will come in handy while fighting The McBruntel Clan later tonight. Not only is Nobbok out of peanut butter, but the entire McFear Clan is out of peanut butter. Dark days indeed.
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1 – Nobbok is addicted to peanut butter.
2 – The McFear Clan is known for stealing the most amount of peanut butter from human houses and then selling it on the black market at hugely inflated prices. (Their biggest customers are 'The Cookers'. The terminology used by the creators of the magic dust. They buy Peanut Butter, Earl Grey Tea, Shiitake Mushrooms and Toenail Fungi from the Fridge Warriors, create the magic dust from it and then sell it back to the Fridge Warriors for a profit)
3 – Peanut butter is one of the key ingredients in the Fridge Warrior's 'magic dust'. The dust they use to fight rodents and pets from the human world.
So, in other words, there is panic in the Viking world. A Shortage of peanut butter would spell absolute disaster in the underground tunnels.
Bazarly, Nobbok's sexy wife, has had it with his mumbling and moaning around the house.
"Hey Nobbi, jump out of your mood, ok?", she says in an almost threatening way.
Nobbok has now stopped hitting a rock with his axe (for no apparent reason) and is staring at Bazarly.
"My name is Nobbok, not Nobbi, ok?
"Say what you want, but if you don't stop moping around the house like a child I'm going to call you Nob", says Bazarly with a sarcastic smile.
"Do you think you funny", asks Nobbok.
"I know I am", says Bazarly and blows an imaginary kiss in his direction.
There is tension in the air…
They stare at each other, the one fuming with anger and frustration and the other slightly amused but equally frustrated with her husband's moaning.
"What's your deal with peanut butter anyway?"
"It gives me a feeling of well-being", snaps Nobbok.
"Well, you're feeling of well-being is eating away at our profit! Do you know how much more peanut butter we could have sold to 'The Cookers'? No, but you just eat and eat and eat our profits away! Grow up Nobbi.." Bazarly is angry now. Nobbok is angry and semi-ashamed about his addiction.
Once again, they stare at each other. Many scenarios are running through their minds. Bazarly in particular is wondering if she did make the right choice when she married this 'Nob'. Nobbok is wondering if he did not hide a tub of peanut butter from himself somewhere. You know, for situations like these.
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Skarde, 'The Bone Collector', is on a mission. He needs to get a message through to his clan leader, Nobbok, asap. Since Skarde has been enjoying his retirement, he has been doing freelance work for 'The Scrapers. (A specialized unit of Vikings that clean the battlefields of dust and any other debris under the fridges)
He was part of the team that cleaned the battlefield for the upcoming battle between The McBruntel Clan (Samson & Sharon) and the McFear Clan (Nobbok & Bazarly).
Battlefield address in the human world: 27 Woodfire Drive in Sea Point, Cape Town.
Battlefield address in the tunnel underworld of the Fridge Warriors: Sector 45, Sea Point, human house 27.
Part of the 'The Scrapers' job description is also to scout around the human houses to confirm the number of pets in the house and to record any potential valuable plunder to be taken advantage of for the winning Clan. What he saw, forgotten under a vegetable cupboard in the kitchen of Human house 27, made his jaw drop and his heart beat faster. Lying under the vegetable cupboard, without a lid, was a 90% full, jar of peanut butter! The elderly human living in the house must have dropped it on the floor and it rolled under the cupboard undetected. This is Gold!
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Skarde is now running/walking as fast as his retired legs can carry him through the maze of tunnels in the underground of Cape Town. By the time he reaches the house of Nobbok and Bazarly, he is out of breath. Although there is a strange wheezing sound coming from his throat, he still manage to attack the front door with his fists. Loud 'bam bam bam' sounds echo through the hallway on the other side. Loud and urgent enough to make Nobbok and Bazarly end their staring competition and focus on the door.
Nobbok is clutching his sword and Bazarly is following close by with a dangerous battle axe in her hands. In the Viking underworld, you can never be sure who is beating down your door. Could be a salesman trying to sell stolen goods from the human world or it could be your friendly neighbour coming over for some chit-chat.
"Who are you and what do you want?", shouts Nobbok from the inside.
"It is Skarde my Chief, I work for 'The Scrapers'", he shouts in a wheezing voice from the outside.
Bazarly lowers the battle axe and walks back to the kitchen.
Nobbok puts his sword away and flings open the door.
"Skarde! You old bastard! Hello, come in come in", he says with a friendly voice and with his arm around the shoulders of his new guest he almost drags the old man down the hallway.
A few minutes later they are all seated at the kitchen table clutching a cup of Earl Grey Tea, except Bazarly. She opted for a cold beer. ;-)
"So what brings you to my home Skarde? Are you in danger somehow?"
"No, my chief, not in danger. I bring big news from the battlefield."
"Do tell", says Nobbok while sipping on his Earl Grey with a slurping sound.
"I went with 'The Scrapers' to clean the battlefield for tonight."
"Yes, we are fighting the McBruntel Clan tonight at Sector 45, Sea Point, human house 27", says Nobbok while thinking of their leader Samson. (The strong little Viking with the attitude)
"Yes, I know Chief, and you HAVE TO WIN!"
"Well, that's the plan my friend, but we are up against The McBruntel Clan. The most feared Clan of all…." Says Nobbok almost apologetically.
Skarde is now staring at Nobbok with wild eyes. He takes a deep breath and then lets the air out of his lungs very slowly before he says calmly:
"There is a full jar of peanut butter lying under a vegetable cupboard in the kitchen of the house you will be fighting The McBruntel Clan tonight.
Nobbok's eyes are widening and his heart rate increases.
"What? A full jar?", he asks with an excited voice.
"Well, 90% full and without a lid.."
The two men are now staring at their tea in silence.
Skarde is wondering what kind of reward he will get for this information.
Nobbok is calculating the amount of money he could make by selling the majority to 'The Cookers' (creators of the magic dust) and how much he can store for himself.
"Bazarly! Send for The Fridge Warriors! We have to prepare!"
"I won't", she says with a little bit of attitude in her voice.
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"What do you mean, you won't? We have to prepare a strategy for tonight, Samson and his hooligans are a big challenge under any fridge". He looks at her with a question mark on his face.
"I have asked you to do the dishes already this morning, it's almost lunchtime and you have not even touched one plate. Now you want me to walk around the neighbourhood and round up all your little warlords so that you can go and claim victory over a jar of peanut butter?"
Skarde and Nobbok are both staring at Bazarly with open mouths. They are in complete disbelief about what they just heard.
"But pumpkin…", says Nobbok with a sweet voice and a softness in his eyes.
"Don't you pumpkin me.." says Bazarly and points to the dishes.
Skarde is smiling on the inside, he does not dare to smile on the outside out of fear that Nobbok might slam a battle axe into his skull.
"Ok, ok, I will wash the dishes. But please go and get our Clan's Fridge Warriors, tonight we have to win, ok pumpkin?"
"I don't see any soap in the water…"
"Do you want me to wash them right now?"
Skarde can't help himself and bursts out laughing. His laughter was, of course, short-lived because Nobbok gave him a look that said; 'laugh some more and I will drill a steel rod through your ear'.
"Yes, Nobbi, dishes now and then I will go and get your warlords so that you can make your victory speech and claim your peanut butter."
"Thank you", says Nobbok while busy with soap and water. He throws Skarde a hand towel and gestures that he needs to dry the plates. Of course, Skarde is eager to assist. (better be safe than sorry and the steel rod in his ear does not sound good.
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The McBruntel Clan is about to experience the 'Perfect Storm'.
There are a few things that are not counting in their favour at the moment.
1 – A week ago they lost a Fridge Battle against The McSword Clan and in the process, they seriously tarnished their reputation as the most feared Clan in the tunnel underworld.
2 – Sharon (one of the McBruntel leaders and wife of Samson) experienced 'love at first sight' with a dude called Erik 'The Handsome'. This happened while they were locked in battle and because of this they also lost the battle.
3 – Samson experienced jealousy for the first time in his life and because of this fell in love with his wife (Sharon) for the first time since their (arranged) marriage.
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So, to recap; we have an unsettled clan with a bruised ego and two leaders that battle with hard-core personal issues. Sharon is still in love with Erik 'The Handsome', Samson is super jealous AND also in love with his wife AND he doesn't want her to participate in battles anymore. This is leading to friction and Big Trouble in arranged-marriage-paradise.
What's more troubling is that Samson did the unthinkable.
He overpowered Sharon and locked her up in a dungeon. He tried to explain to her that it was for her own good and that he did not want her to get hurt on the battlefield. She was beyond furious. Kicking, screaming and yelling at the top of her voice about all the bad things she is going to do to him once she escapes.
Now, with all of this looming over their heads, The McBruntel Clan need to go to war with The McFear Clan tonight at 11 pm. They are demoralized and their leaders are locked in a love/jealousy triangle. They are heading into a perfect storm and will fight with only one leader because the 2nd leader (and great warrior) is locked up.
The dish-washing embarrassment is something of the past and Nobbok has just finished his victory speech. In front of him stands 200 strong, 2cm tall warriors. They just heard about the jar of peanut butter and they are equally excited about the prospect of dominating the black market for the foreseeable future. If they can be the only peanut butter supplier for the next two months, they can dictate the price and rule the market.
Tonight is a big battle. They are physically ready for a fight but more importantly, they are mentally prepared and super focused on the prize.
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The McBruntel Clan is not. They don't even know about the jar of peanut butter waiting underneath a vegetable cupboard. For them, it's just another battle underneath a fridge up there in the human world.
Of course, it was because of their lack of preparation, (physically, and mentally) and nurturing the absence of their star warrior, Sharon, that they lost the battle in record time.
When the clock on the wall said it was 11 pm, Nobbok and the rest of the McFear Clan ascended to the human world. Underneath the fridge of Human house 27 in Sector 45, Sea Point, they came face to face with the most feared Clan of them all. The McBruntels. But Samson and his goons were not prepared for the determined enemy they faced.
The battle was over in 7 minutes. Thankfully there was no loss of life, only a few ears missing and two broken bones. Bazarly had her sword against the neck of Samson. Fifteen other warriors surrounded them and Samson knew he was done for. His ego shattered into a million pieces.
For the second time in a month, The McBruntel Clan has to leave the battlefield with heads hanging low.
For the first time in their lives, The McFear Clan is celebrating a victory over this enemy. They are ecstatic and are now running around under the fridge while shouting war cries and high-fiving each other. The sweet taste of victory.
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Moments later the McFear Clan is standing underneath a vegetable cupboard.
They are staring at a mountain of peanut butter. Well, if you are only 2cm tall and the jar of peanut butter is 12cm high, it can be overwhelming.
"Come on warriors, let's move this down to the tunnels", says Nobbok with excitement in his voice.
With military precision, they attacked the jar and within 30 minutes they removed all the peanut butter from the jar into 200 little knapsacks.
Singing folk songs and with happy hearts, our little friends climb down the ropes back into their own world.
The peanut butter crisis is over…
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